Most of you
reading this have known me for a number of years and probably know everything I
am about to say. But for those who haven’t, simply follow along and see what
you missed (or didn’t miss) out on. I apologize for the length…
Background:
I was raised in
a loving home with good Christian parents. I was not raised in the church since
our church home split up when I was in grade school and we never found another
one. However, throughout middle school and high school I’d visit churches with
friends and go on the occasional church trip. I guess I would have considered
myself involved, but mainly for the social aspect. I never read my Bible or
tried to understand His word or connect with believers. I simply wanted to be
known as a Christian and that meant attending church on somewhat of a steady
basis. I continued on this path up through my freshman year of college. I left
my bubble that was Collierville, TN and stepped foot onto the beautiful campus
of the University of Tennessee (go big orange!) in the fall of 2007. It wasn’t a great start, to say the least. All of my friends were going through
sorority recruitment (and I wasn’t), so once my parents and Josh left, I was
completely alone. Literally. I cried for days, begging my mom to let me come
home. After about 2 weeks, Andrea Eades (a friend of a friend of Josh’s) called
me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to meet some of her sorority sisters and
maybe join the chapter. I immediately called my parents and as they heard the
excitement in my voice instead of the pain of the past couple of weeks, how
could they say no?! Yes, it would require a lot of money and time and more than
likely some drama (I was a little naïve, for you must expect nothing short of
drama when you get 120+ girls together). But it was what I wanted; a family on
such a large campus and girlfriends who would have my back and maybe become my
bridesmaids one day. I wanted that more than anything. So 2 weeks later I
officially pledged to become a member of Sigma Kappa, a decision that I believe
leads me to who I am today.
Before I get to
today, there are a few important events that happened during my time at UT that
may help you to understand how I got here. Almost immediately upon joining
Sigma Kappa, I started taking leadership roles, something I never had in high
school. So already I was off to a better/different life than back home. I was
on the road to discovering who I am. I got back into Sunday church on a regular
basis and often went on weeknights as well. You may think, “This is
great! She’s finally going to get it, start listening to God and following
Him.” But that’s not what happened. The more I went to church, the more
judgmental, selfish, and hypocritical I became. These are things I still
struggle with. But looking back, I can clearly see I was trying to be 2
different people. I had friends who were very spiritual (didn’t cuss, didn’t
talk about inappropriate things with boys, didn’t drink etc.) and friends who
were the exact opposite. I just wanted to fit in and have a lot of friends, so
I tried to do both. I’m not saying either one of these groups of friends was
“bad”. I just didn’t know where I fit in. Like most college kids, I did my share of drinking
and partying (a little too much on some occasions), but I also went to church
every Sunday, which I ended up using to help me justify my behavior.
Eventually, my time spent in church was less and less and my time spent “partying”
was more and more. I gained a good
group of friends and kept taking leadership roles. My junior year I became a
Gamma Chi, a fancy Greek name for recruitment counselor. This was an experience
that I will never forget. I was able to put aside any bias toward my own
sorority and help entering freshman find their place in Greek life (although I
am proud to say that 2 of my girls ended up as Sigma Kappa’s, one of them as my
own grandbaby). My time as a Gamma Chi is also how I met Lindsay McCann, who
has been such a blessing to me for the past 2 years. She has guided me through
the process of applying to PT school, surviving my first year of PT school (it
wasn’t easy), and demonstrating what the life of a FOLLOWER of Jesus
Christ looks like. So thank you Lindsay, for leading me to become a follower
and NOT A FAN, for introducing me to the children of Uganda and Ekisa, and for
being the best big sister a DPT1 could ask for :) I ended up holding the position of Executive Vice President my senior year,
something I could have only dreamed of as a freshman. As I began my reign
(sorry, I had to say it) as EVP, I had everything I could have ever asked for;
great friends, an amazing leadership position, and a boyfriend and family back
home who loved me. There was just one thing missing. And He was the one thing that I
couldn’t go without for much longer.
We (my roommate, who was president, and I) were only 2 months into our
current positions when everything we had known for the past 3 years came to a
screeching halt. I told you drama was built into sorority life, and I had
experienced some petty stuff, but this was different. What my friends and I
went through over the next year was the ultimate test. Friendships were
destroyed or confirmed, our faith was tested beyond measure, and I discovered
who I am is astonishingly different than who I was trying to be. I was at my
breaking point. I didn’t know who to trust, who my real friends were, so I
turned to God. It seems so silly that a drama-filled situation could bring me
that low, but I’m glad for my weakness, because otherwise I may not have seen
how badly I needed Him. I started going to church on Wednesday nights at this
college event called The Walk. After a couple of months, I felt this urge to
get baptized. Baptism terrified me, mainly because I don’t like anything public
where all eyes are on me. However, I couldn’t ignore this calling. I realized
that baptism wasn’t about having hundreds of college kids watching you get dunked
in a tub, but about professing your faith in Christ and starting a new life with
Him. I was baptized on April 20th, 2011. It was a wonderful
experience and I was thrilled that they had it streaming live online so my
parents, grandparents, and boyfriend could see my spiritual growth. When I left
church that night I was different. I could feel that great things were coming
and I looked forward to graduating and moving back to Memphis to start PT
school.
April 28th
started as an ordinary day. I went to Walmart to get some groceries to get me
through exam week and was walking into Walgreens to pick up a prescription when
my phone rang. It was my dad, and as soon as I answered I knew something was
wrong. The first words out of his mouth were, “Where are you?”, and so I
answered him. What he said next was something I knew for years would come,
but no matter how long his sickness drug out, I never thought I’d hear the
words, “Papa is gone”. I was in such shock since my mom had called me a couple
hours before and said he had a scare that morning trying to get his oxygen tank
to work but everything was fine. I kept praying, “Please God, just let me
graduate and get home to see him before You take him.” But God has his own
plans and I was silly to think that my plans and hopes and wishes were more
important than His. So the end of my college career was marked by the death of
my papa, and the next morning I was on a plane to Memphis. I was home for 2 or
3 days and then boarded a plane back to Knoxville to take exams and graduate.
On the day of graduation, I shed a few tears for my papa, but as I walked
across that stage and was handed my college diploma (I was the first grandchild
on my mom’s side of the family to receive a college education), I knew he was
smiling down and couldn’t be more proud of me. Had papa still be in his earthly
body, he wouldn’t have been able to see me graduate because he was too weak. God works in mysterious ways, and He knew what He was doing taking him when He did. Because of that, papa saw me graduate
college from the best seat in the house.
Present:
I
began my first year of PT school this past August, and what a year it has been.
My 56 classmates started out as just that, classmates. But we have truly grown
into a family. How can you not when you’re together all day every day? I thank
God for blessing me with each and every one of them, as well as my professors.
They constantly encourage me in my daily walk with Christ, are striving to help
me become a successful physical therapist, and are always making me laugh when
I’m feeling down (which I am most thankful for). When Lindsay went to Uganda
with Ekisa in December, I kept up with her blog and eventually decided to read
Ekisa’s blog. I spent an entire night (probably a good 3-4 hours) reading about
Ekisa and all of the wonderful children and work going on in the orphanage. The
more I read the more tears I shed, not just from sadness but joy! The trials
these children and mama’s endure are heartbreaking, yet their triumphs and pure
happiness force you to see that the material possessions of this world are
empty, and only without God do you truly have nothing. He is all we need! That
is such a powerful truth that I am reminded of daily, as I naturally have a
materialistic mindset. In February I contacted Ekisa about the possibility of
volunteering during my summer break. As the process unfolded and began to come
to life, I grew increasingly nervous. How would I fund my trip, could I really
travel across the world when I had never left the good ole’ south, and could He
really use me? All of my fears were calmed with this one verse
Proverbs 16:3 –
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”
In February, while
I was still applying for the volunteer position with Ekisa, I decided I needed
to find a different church. I loved the people where I was, but wasn’t getting
anything out of the sermons. I was simply going for attendance and social
purposes, and I wasn’t about to let myself go back to that. I accepted an
invitation one Sunday to Highpoint Church (I thank Mallory for the invitation
and Stephanie for always talking about the church events and such at work, and
for always having K-love on in her office). As soon as Josh and I walked
through the doors that first Sunday at Highpoint, something was different. I
could feel God moving through the people and the church in a way I’ve never felt
anywhere else. After only a month or so of visiting, I knew this was where God
was calling me to be. I found myself actually wanting to get up early on
Sundays and became a partner with Highpoint in April. I am currently serving in
the children’s ministry, working with an amazing little 2 year-old! He is such a
miracle and every Sunday I am with him I am reminded how incredible God’s
creations are.
Every person on
earth started as a child of God. Some continue to walk with Him and others have
strayed from the path, but it is our duty as FOLLOWERS of Christ to share Him
with those who have strayed and those who have never heard His name. We are to
open the door for His children to return home. When I first told my friends and
family I wanted to go to Uganda, everyone looked at my in disbelief. Me, a pale
white red-head in Africa. Most people said, “Why do you want to go so far away?
Just stay here in Memphis and do something.” My heart is with special needs children,
and I have been involved in serving those children here in Memphis. But God has
called me to leave my comfortable bubble of Memphis, and the south in general,
and enter a world unknown to me. Over the past several months I’ve had many
people tell me I’m brave and courageous for going to Uganda, especially going
alone. This can’t be father from the truth. Although I’m beaming with joy on
the outside, I’m terrified on the inside. Terrified of what I will see and how
this trip will change me (I have no doubt it will be for the best). I’m not
brave or courageous, I’m simply following a call He placed on my heart. And I
am not traveling alone. He will be with me every step of the way, guiding me
into a world unknown to me, but a world filled with His children. Children I can’t
wait to wrap my arms around and show them what love truly means. I am also welcoming
the total dependency I will have on Him while I am there. It is time for me to
get out of my comfort zone and see how the priorities of my life here in
America need to be rearranged to reflect my life in Jesus, no matter where I am.
I titled this
“Breaking Walls and Mending Hearts” because I believe that is what He is doing
in and through me. He is continuously breaking down the walls I have put up
around me, and I pray that as He does so, my love for Him will shine through in
my love for others. I have lived a sheltered life (Josh constantly tells me
this). Most of it was spent building walls to keep people away who were
different from me. I didn’t care to be friends with people of a different
color, religion, socioeconomic background, etc. Since April 20, 2011, He has
been breaking down my walls, allowing me to see that those people aren’t
different from me at all. We are all His children and 1 John 4:19 says, “We
love because He first loved us.” Highpoint always says “Love Works”. And it’s SO
true. You can do amazing things, but if you don’t love His people, how can you
love Him and share Him with others? I pray that He uses every person I come in
contact with on this trip, and even those I don’t meet, to keep mending my
heart. I pray that He uses me to help mend the hearts of the broken and needy. Above
all, I pray for the children and mama’s at Ekisa to know Jesus as their Lord
and Savior. The purpose of this trip isn’t to go and have fun with the children
and goof off (well actually it is, with some physical therapy on the side). But
through interaction and love, the main purpose is that they see how much Jesus
loves them, cares for them, and wants them to come to Him. They are His. We are
all His. No one else, not even our parents, can lay claim to us over our
Heavenly Father.
I’ll end this
post with a verse from one of my favorite songs by Leeland (thank you Monika).
“We
want to see Your victory, all over the earth
Your
Kingdom come, Your will be done,
ALL
OVER THE EARTH, ALL OVER THE EARTH”
